Narcolepsy and Memory: When Recollections Vary

I have a memory of a vivid hallucination with my narcolepsy.

It's a traumatic memory. I remember feeling frightened. I remember running to get away from danger. I can remember charging from my room trying to escape a flying rat. I remember my sister being in the way and me attacking her trying to escape. If I close my eyes, I can hear my mother screaming for my dad — thinking I was trying to kill my sister — and my dad pulling us apart.

A powerful memory of a hallucination experience

I remember how it felt to have my heart pounding in my chest, the sadness and disappointment I felt as I watched him pull her to safety and leave me in danger. Of course, once it passed, I realised that there was never any danger, and I was left feeling embarrassed and a tad horrified that I had tackled my sister in my altered state. This is one of my strongest memories.

Differing recollections of this event

You can imagine my annoyance when reminiscing with my sister and having her tell me that this is not what happened, and that I am mixing together 2 different encounters. My parents and sisters also have memories of this event, but they remember it completely differently from me.

My sister remembers coming to ask me something whilst I was sleeping, me attacking her, and me fleeing from the dangerous hallucinated rodent on another occasion in a different part of the house.

How do we reconcile a difference in remembered experiences?

This is not the only example of looking back and memories clashing, but it does perfectly illustrate my point. What makes their memories more valid? Is it that more than one of them agree? If I feel sure about the order of events, why should I let their opinion change mine?

Therein lies the conundrum of what to do and how to react when recollections vary. How do you avoid being hurt and upset or feeling dismissed when you differ from those you love about a lived experience of events?

The importance of our emotional experiences

This is a question I am sure many have asked themselves: How do you handle disagreements in families? It is a question that has polarized people. We may inevitably feel more drawn towards one "side" based on our personal experiences, as we may have traversed through similar waters.

Whether or not the incidents with the hallucinations and vivid dreams all those years ago are a combination or just one incident is not the point. The most important thing happening in those events is the emotions. It is the feeling of being afraid, let down, embarrassed, and overwhelmed that is just as important if not more important than the exact sequence of events.

Creating a fuller picture through listening

It is important for us to listen to those around us in the immediate aftermath — those with whom we have shared the experiences and those who walked through it with us. These are the people who can help trigger memories, eliminate inaccuracies, and create a fuller picture. A diary would also be a good source for accuracy, giving us a real-time perspective not diluted by time.

We need to be able to get our voice across and feel heard. However, we must also be willing to listen, to accept that perhaps we do not always have it all correct. Since there may be gaps in memory, we ought to accept that how someone else remembers an event is just as important as our own. Once we see value in other people's memories alongside our own, we can find peace when the recollections vary.