Mr. Night Shift and Ms. Narcolepsy

I met my boyfriend in high school. Honestly, I never really noticed him until my senior year. We were both in the marching band, and during water breaks, we would often sit together. At band competitions, we would hang out during our free time. He was too shy to ask for my number, so I got his, and we went on our first official date to a Halloween party. At that point in my life, I had simply hoped for a date for senior prom. Almost 10 years later, we are still together.

College years and beyond

When I was in my undergraduate years, my partner stayed in my hometown and worked while I was 2 hours away. College was rough for me. I was not yet diagnosed with narcolepsy, instead being diagnosed with general anxiety and depression. Being a music education major means weekends are filled with marching band rehearsals for football games, concerts for band, and recitals from friends. My partner came to my college town as often as he could, but it wasn’t easy not having him there.

After I graduated, my partner and I moved in together a few months later. I started my first teaching job and he joined the police academy. It was so fun learning how to be adults together. For the almost 7 months he was in the academy, we were both on the same schedule – waking up before the crack of dawn and coming home in the late afternoon. We would make dinner together and head to bed to start the routine all over again.

Vivid dreams and nightmares

In the fall of 2018, I was seriously looking into my health. I had been a sleepyhead my whole life. My partner knew that I was an avid napper and couldn’t stay up to save my life. My nighttime sleep was slowly getting worse and making it through the school day was taking a toll on me.

I started seeing a therapist during that summer as I was having vivid dreams and horrible nightmares. I thought I was heading to the loony bin.

A scary incident before my diagnosis

One night we were both asleep and our dog was sleeping peacefully in between us. I opened my eyes and saw a shadow creep into our room and slowly back into the closet. I shot up in bed and almost screamed. My partner grabbed his gun as I turned on the light, our dog immediately alert to the commotion.

But no one was in the room except us. My partner got up and rubbed my back as I cried, swearing I saw someone come in. He took a walk around the house and confirmed no one had broken in. My doctor recommended me to a sleep specialist not long after that incident, and I was diagnosed with narcolepsy.

Adapting to change

Since 2018, my partner has been a night shift officer. He works from 7 PM to 7 AM, while I was working from 7 AM to 4 PM. This was a difficult adjustment for me. Suddenly, I had the bed to myself at night. I didn’t have anyone to scare the nightmares away. My dog helps me feel safe, but not having my partner with me at night is something that I still struggle with.

Opposite sleep schedules are challenging

When I am off for winter or summer break, I have to stay quiet during the day while he sleeps. On his off nights, he tries to stay quiet for me too. It often feels like we are constantly coming and going. I used to tell my students that I saw them more than I saw my partner.

He has been on the night shift for almost 4 years now. Although he enjoys the business of night shift, I hope one day we will be able to have the routine we did when we first moved in together.

Do you have a partner who is on an opposite sleep schedule? In the comments below, tell us how you make it work, or what feels most challenging.