It’s Me and I Hate It

By Plumcrazyxoxo

1 min read

Narcolepsy to me is the devil. I hate it so much. It has ruined my entire life and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I find myself lost all the time. I fall asleep in parking lots, at red lights, and I sleepwalk. Denial that I can’t even talk to someone.

Searching for the right medication

I’ve been on and off medication. It’s been two years since I’ve been on the correct medication now. I was so desperate that I went online for an online doctor who prescribed me new shit. It is not helping me at all. I have public phobia so bad I barely leave my house. My 17-year-old son won’t even live here because he is so confused by my actions. I don’t sleep because I’m so afraid to be alone and sleep. I never know what I’m gonna do when I shut my eyes.

Trying to move

Right now I’m packing my stuff to move and I don’t even know where. I have to move and I will be homeless because I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I have plenty of money and I can not yet do what I need to do to find a place to live. I have two dogs and I don’t know what I’m gonna do and I just sit here doing nothing. I get lost driving down the street. I hate this disease, I hate my life, and I’m just about done with all of it. I’m alone and I have no one. What does it matter anymore? This disease has ruined me, has ruined all of me. I’m a great person and I need somewhere to sleep that you can’t wake up. I help people, I’m forgiving, loving, and funny. I have a lot to offer up.

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Frannymojo Member
Now I saw this and see it's from last year I'm wondering you are . Your story touched a nerve as it's so similar to mine , I hope your doing ok .? X
Lori.Foster Community Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="Plumcrazy10" user-id="4494638"/>. My heart aches for you. I am fairly new to this community. I know you posted a year ago, but when I saw your story, I felt I had to reach out. You were truly in crisis mode then. I hope you found the support and resources you needed. Please let us know how you are doing if you don't mind. If you are still struggling, maybe we can help point you toward the resources you need. At the very least, we can provide support and a safe place to vent. Sending lots and lots of gentle hugs and warm wishes your way. - Lori (Team Member)
Kerly Joy Bwoga Moderator & Contributor
I'm just seeing your story. So sorry for your situation. How are things with you now? Was any of the support groups helpful? (TeamMember)
Gabrielle Keith Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Plumcrazyxoxo" user-id="4704657"/> I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I, too, have had a lot of issues with finding the right medication after being diagnosed. At one point I felt like I was losing my mind and my doctor wouldn't listen to me. It took me crying and yelling at him, practically begging to be taken off the medication he prescribed. (Since then I found a new and much better doctor). I'm sorry you feel alone, but try to remember that there are so many people in this narcolepsy community that has been where you are. If I have learned anything from my diagnosis, it is that I'm not alone. I encourage you to join a support group. There are some support groups through Wake Up Narcolepsy and Narcolepsy Network that meet virtually. That was a huge life-changer for me personally. Best of luck to you, Xoxo/Zzz, Gabrielle