A Fantastically Terrifying and Sleepy Life

Last updated: June 2021

The balance between fair and being sleepy

I remember almost every nightmare. I have had them since I was 4-5 years old, I could write a book of them. I had to sleep with the lights on and always woke up afraid so my parents were also affected. Since I entered school I was the guy who always slept in classes and left his things everywhere, but that was not enough to take me to the doctor because I had good grades. I remember sitting on the stairs at 4 am, alone, trying not to sleep so I wouldn't dream anything.

Nightmares were almost daily, but somehow I could 'get used to it' and they decreased slowly, but never definitely. The big problem began at 14, when I had my first sleep paralysis and I knew a new level of fear. I don't know if my brain is too creative, but they always included different terror scenes and suffocation. The balance between the fair of sleep and being sleepy was one of the factors that caused me a strong depression.

Was I wrong?

When you have nightmares very often, people tell you there's something in your mind you have to solve: 'maybe you are not hearing your soul, 'maybe you had childhood trauma and you don't remember. I thought all my life I must face something psychological I didn't know of myself. After all, the drugs given by my psychiatrist were not working very well. I went to a psychologist to helped me understand my nightmares and scene terrors during sleep paralysis. I could see they were all different and fantastic but have something in common: danger, adrenaline, and pain. More reasons to feel I had to get over something of my past.

'Wow! how can you sleep in classes and still have very good grades?'

I was very known for my ability and daring of sleeping in classes. I guess you know how much effort is needed to be productive and fulfill your responsibilities when you have narcolepsy, even more, if you don't know you have it. I thought life was hard just because, for all of us. The university was a breaking point, I passed but at what cost? How much do we sacrifice to comply?

Our new job

I was diagnosed two days ago my 25 years old, and now I understand that it's not my fault and that my symptoms were never normal.

I think it's, in part, our job to communicate to people there are many sleep disorders, and that they don't have to normalize bad sleep in the long run. I know there are more kids like me at 4-5, with parents who don't know anything about these diseases. I hope and I'll try so that they somehow don't have to wait until their twenties.

Did you experience nightmares before your diagnosis? Share in the comments below.

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