Feeling Like a Fraud
Anyone else feel this way sometimes? Like you don't have an actual medical problem, you're actually just lazy and undisciplined?
I've been on max-dose stimulants for so long that my circadian rhythm is fried. I stay up super late most nights then sleep in forever. For a while I literally couldn't fall asleep for the night without taking a sleep medication. It feels like my body is gaslighting me--like, we literally have narcolepsy dude, falling asleep should NOT be a problem!!
And I know that's how it seems to my loved ones sometimes. I mean, what are they supposed to think when I can't wake up in the morning for something that's important to them because I went to bed at 4 a.m. the night before, and do the same thing later that day? It makes me feel like a bad person.
Anyone else relate?
I have definitely felt this way. And even when I feel like I have the time and should have the energy to do things like chores, I somehow end up either not having the energy or losing the energy before I manage to even get close to tackling a chore. Things like self care and going to my doctor's appointments are nice in theory, but feel like they're getting more and more difficult to do. And sometimes when I cancel plans with others, I wonder to myself if it's because of my narcolepsy or if it's because I just don't feel like doing it. I also can't help but wonder how much of it is the narcolepsy and how much of it is depression. But I feel like I wouldn't think it's depression as much if that wasn't the first thing everyone else (especially doctors) thinks they see.
I am right there with you, right now I am in a lawsuit with my old employer because I accrued too many points because of my sleep issues, I get that feeling that they don't even believe it is a medical issue.
Hi
. I am glad you are advocating for yourself and seeking compensation. Nothing will change unless people take action. I hope the lawsuit doesn't drag on for too long and that you get the settlement you need and deserve. Best wishes. - Lori (Team Member)
I think the insomnia is sometimes worse than the daytime sleepiness, although I know it’s unfair to rank them like that! I feel what you’re saying here 100%
Sometimes it I remind myself, and my loved ones, that Narcolepsy is a sleep/wake disorder—I’m awake when I wanna sleep and sleepy when I wanna be awake! It’s not just being sleepy all the time.
Hi
, wow I've never heard it put that way, but that's such a great way to describe narcolepsy to others! Thanks so much for sharing! Best, Allison (Team Member)
I can definitely relate to how you feel. I have to be careful to not take my last dose of Narcolepsy medication too late in the day because it will affect my ability to sleep. The same with caffeine consumption. It bothers me when I wake up 2 or 3 hours after I go to sleep & can’t get back to sleep for hours. The next day, I have little productive time. I have to remind myself that these issues are all part of Narcolepsy & Cataplexy.
My whole life I just wanted to sleep and eat and watch TV. I'm very, very learning disabled too, but I don't mind honestly being forced to live a lazy life. I know what it's like to have motivation, I've tried it and I was really good at it. But, i should had always defended the latter instead of trying to impress people, cuz now i have major fatigue and narcolepsy... I enjoy having my illnesses. They just fit my personality. I'm all about pleasure and enjoying the moment and feeling luxurious. And I think that's nothing to be ashamed about. I think that's actually kind of good characteristic. It means you just really enjoy yourself and have a lot of self love to the extreme which is way cool and you respect yourself. I like taking care of myself and that means being lazy and enjoying it instead. Smart, successful people live by serving themselves first and thats how I live. 😀 so, I guess, I'm pretty successful!! Hehehe 😀 to the max haha 😉 😀
